The greatest government shutdown FAQ ever
April 6th, 2011 | 2011 Budget | Posted by Stephen Losey
If the government shuts down, the streets of Washington will soon be plagued by thousands of pale figures, staggering around aimlessly with nowhere to go. (Getty Images)
Stressed out over the increasingly-likely government shutdown and furlough? You deserve a laugh. Take a few minutes and read over this shutdown FAQ humorist Mim Landry posted on April Fool’s Day. (It’s probably got more useful information than the Obama administration has given unions so far.)
The whole thing is golden, but here’s a few of my favorites:
What is a furlough? A furlough involves placing an employee in temporary nonduty, nonpay status because of a lack of work or funds or other nondisciplinary reasons. During a furlough, federal government employees are prohibited from conducting official work duties, if any. For some employees, the difference between nonduty and duty is negligible.
Can I work as an exotic dancer during the furlough to make ends meet? Your federal government fully supports your desire to work as an exotic dancer to make ends meet. Simply provide your supervisor the address and performance timings and we’re good.
Do furloughed federal employees get paid? Yes. Federal employees will receive retroactive pay following the furlough. But it may be in rupees.
What about zombies? Since they are technically deceased, zombies pay only sporadic attention to the news and information sources such as telephones and e-mail. They are typically disorganized. Thus, they may not fully appreciate the fact that there has been a government shutdown. [...]
Note that zombies are nearly always considered nonessential personnel and will thus be barred from entering federal government property.
You can find Federal Times’ sadly zombie-less FAQs on the shutdown here and here.
Tags: fun, government shutdown, zombies
Comments
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Mim Landry Says:
April 6th, 2011 at 10:07 pmBoys and Girls: A new and improved version of Fun FAQs for Federal Government Employees is here:
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Steve Watkins Says:
April 7th, 2011 at 10:15 amMy favorite question from these FAQs. . .
Q:I am a Prisoner in a Federal Penitentiary. Can I Leave Now?
A: No. The rules for Federal Government employees and Federal Government prisoner are slightly different. Please shelter in place. Stay right there. Sit. Since the commissary and meals are provided by a Federal Government contractor, you may need to make alternative provisions for food. Also, concierge services will cease.
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Jim Says:
April 7th, 2011 at 1:52 pmQ: Will Congress share in the shutdown by not accepting their pay?
A: (After 30 minutes and 8000 words from a politician that totally ignored the original question) No -
Plumber Lower Stondon Says:
May 16th, 2012 at 7:36 pm