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The Onion: National Roller Coaster plans

The Onion: National Roller Coaster plans

No-bid contracts? Lobbyists and special interests? Multi-billion dollar Defense acquisition projects that don’t work? Bo-ring!

The Onion reports that the public is increasingly demanding that if the government’s going to waste taxpayer dollars, at least spend them on things that are cool. And I think we all can get behind this kind of spending:

A CNN poll conducted last month found that, among Americans who favor eliminating tax breaks for Big Oil and blowing the cash on something that’s actually cool, 41 percent want to build a shopping mall in the clouds that would be accessible by hovercar, 33 percent support the research and development of a viable invisibility pill, 19 percent would triple the length of summer, and most of the remaining 7 percent just want sweet new boomerangs that actually come back after you throw them.

Nine of 10 respondents said they favor the continued public financing of new sports stadiums, but only if the old ones are imploded in an elaborate pyrotechnic display that everyone can watch from reclining chairs as AC/DC’s “Highway To Hell” blasts in the background.

[...] Meanwhile, Sen. Saxby Chambliss (R-GA) has vowed that Congress “won’t spend another dollar” on new prisons to house nonviolent drug offenders until it has allocated the resources necessary to finally capture Bigfoot.

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